Not Much To Say

Sadly there's not really much to say this week, have been working in schools and trying to avoid the world cup. But as the football is dominating everything and because Italy has been kicked out, here's Tiziano Ferro and his football video....

Posing Puppies and the Painted Elephants of London

Sunday 13.06.10-. After a three hour drive we arrive at our accommodation in Chingford, I’ve stayed here before, and remember although the apartments are nice, the traffic noise from the road (A112) in the early hours is at times deafening. The weather is good and the early evening is quite warm, a stark contrast to the thunder back home. I plug in my iPod and unpack as Altered Images fill the room with the strains of their first single,’ Dead Pop Stars’. I recall this single being quite controversial as it was released, unintentionally at the time of John Lennon’s death. I cook a risotto for the three of us and we chat until just after 11 p.m. before retiring to our rooms.

Monday 14.06.10 - I rise at 5.40 a.m. have some breakfast as Tigerpicks, single ‘Disco Punk Electro Funk’ plays at a low volume, as the others are still sleeping. I was woken at 4.00 a.m. by the traffic hurtling past the wall on which my bed is positioned. Today we are only doing the anti-bullying show and the school we’re at is in Ipswich. The first session goes well, the students are quite nice but not as engaging as others I’ve had the pleasure of spending time with. The school offers us lunch; much to the chagrin of the dinner lady serving, who scowls as she doles out pasta bake onto plates for us. The second session is pretty much the same as the first, the students give good answers but I feel are too lethargic to commit themselves totally to the performance. Back at the accommodation we mooch about doing our own thing until it’s time to turn in. Today really has been rather a non-event, the highlight being cooking spaghetti for my dinner..

Tuesday 15.06.10 – We have a hellish journey to today’s school. We program the SatNav to direct us in without going on the M25 to save delays, however it takes us through Lewisham and Stratford, where we run into the congestion due to the building of the 2012 Olympic stadium. It’s our first day of the ‘Sex Matters’ show and we have our first audience filing into the hall as we chat to our contact; a beefy PE teacher in shorts, with legs so hairy you’d be excused for thinking he was wearing tights. The show goes really well and we’re all happy with it, there was quite a lot of fun injected into it and the student’s energy levels were good. Session two goes equally well, we have a joker by the name of Jordan on the front row, but he meets his match with me. We are provided lunch again; I struggle to find something that will fit in with my healthy eating regime. I opt for a small baked potato with beans, and have to stop Sue, the dinner lady piling on grated cheese. Our final session goes well and I leave the school on a high, after the teacher in charge tells me he thinks I’d make an excellent teacher as I have the ability to communicate so well with young people. Back home we feed the cat, who we've named Ming-Mong' fish sticks and he likes them.

On the way home George sleeps and Steph and me make up a silly story about horses that disguise themselves as cows. (This will be written and may be added here at a later date). Back at the apartment Steph and George sit outside chatting as I prepare dinner. Alison Moyet is singing ‘And When I Say (No Giveaway)’ as I cook George some scrambled eggs on toast and do some tortellini for Steph and myself. We have a few glasses of wine and chat until it’s time once more to go to bed.

Wednesday 16.06.10 – We have today off as we need to rehearse two new modules for the ‘Sex Matters’ show. We start off paying a visit to the local Tesco for a few items; I want to make a ragu for Thursday’s dinner. We rehearse the modules later in the day; George is a little bit huffy and a little confrontational throughout the day. We decide to travel into London for tomorrow’s shows by train as the school is by St. James’s Park, I ask George if he can remember how long the train journey from London to Chingford took. The question seems to cause him some concern, as he cannot recollect how long it took, and he goes into a sulk.

Today really isn’t going well, I go to the bedroom and send some emails as my iPod shuffles, first local Stoke on Trent band The Fears play ‘Reality’ followed by Marvin Gaye with ‘Mercy Mercy Me (The Ecology)’. Later as we watch the early evening news and George drinks wine he becomes quite provocative, making statements about the current economic crisis and also the war in Afghanistan. Some of these upset Steph and she leaves the room so he starts on me and I tell him I’m not prepared to discuss it as it’s only 7 p.m. and he’s obviously drunk. George disappears only to return later with an apology and a 2 litre bottle of cider. We play a game where we all play random tracks for each other in turn from our iPod’s. Steph plays, Hot Chip and Imogen Heap, George plays Judas Priest and Genesis and I play The Associates and Gianna Nannini. Rather than go into detail George becomes more provocative and before we know it he’s ranting once more, this time making statements that we find offensive. Steph leaves the room and George and myself continue to argue, I try not to react too badly to his bile but he makes an odious remark about Rachel and my blood boils and I shout at him, he grabs a knife and I have to calm him down as he makes slashing motions to his arm. He calms and asks if there’s any more alcohol in the apartment before going to bed.

Thursday 17.06.10 – There’s a frosty air around the apartment today as we rise and prepare to leave. George packs everything he has in his case to take with him. Steph and myself wonder if he’s going to walk out, and to be frank we couldn’t care less after last night. The journey takes an hour and very soon we’re ready to face our first all girl audience. The girl’s are great, lots of questions are asked and a great deal of laughter fills the room. We have a short intermission before the whole thing is repeated with another equally robust group of girls.

The afternoon is now ours, George heads off to an audition and Steph and myself drop into a pub for lunch before our wander around London. The sun is high and to protect my head I buy a purple trilby. All over Central London are painted elephants, which will be later auctioned off at Sotheby’s as part of a charitable campaign called ‘The Elephant Parade’. We photograph a handful and browse inside shops. We worship to the god of inexpensive clothes at the H&M temple and I purchase a pair of slim fit lilac jeans. We have a walk along Carnaby Street, and gasp in wonderment at the shoes packed into the ‘Irregular Choice’ shoe shop. We’re sitting having a drink outside a well known sandwich and coffee provider when a man with a spaniel puppy the colour of golden syrup passes by. I comment on how beautiful the pup is and it immediately stops as the crowd disperse and it tilts its head to the side as if saying, ‘Aren’t I a cute’, it then takes a step to the side and poses again for us before doing a catwalk turn and exiting into the crowd.

Back at the accommodation we all meet up and I reheat the ragu and we all have some, it’s hot as there are quite a few chillies inside it and the double cooking intensifies the flavour. We all set about packing ready to leave after tomorrow’s shows. I do some internet surfing, getting my daily Italy fix by checking into the Abruzzo forum I’m a member of. I send a few e-mails and the iPod shuffles away in the corner ‘Frozen’ by Madonna being one of the random tunes. I pack my case as the throbbing opening to ‘Shayla’ from the Eat To The Beat album by Blondie fills the room.

Friday 18.06.10 - The journey today is hellish, we’re 36 minutes away from St. Margaret’s Independent Girls’ School. We spend an hour moving less than half a mile on the North Circular and discover there’s been an accident and it’s closed. We make a detour and rather than join the slowly snaking trail of vehicles, we take a risk and try to find a road running parallel to the closed thoroughfare. Our gamble pays off and we arrive to a frosty reception. The space we use is very small and the girls are sat in the adjoining room, which makes it a slightly disjointed performance, as we feel unconnected to our audience. Our first show is about how drugs, sex and alcohol can be a dangerous combination. Our next performance is ‘Bully 4 You’ for year 6 and 7 girls, all of whom seem to think it would be wrong to upset a potential bully by reporting them to the school. We are almost finished, literally just seconds to go when the English teacher, Miss Livermore stands up and tells us to stop now, as it’s nearly lunchtime. We can’t believe someone could be so rude, how would she like it if we interrupted her lessons, telling her to stop now?

We leave the school, which we all feel is very unfriendly and visit an Italian deli owned and run by Turk’s. I purchase a delicious Parma ham, mozzarella and black olive filled ciabatta. We arrive back at the school for the concluding parts of the ‘Sex Matters’ show when we are asked to make no references to gay sex or relationships. This flabbergasts us all, how can a school discriminate against these issues so openly. The performances are going well and one of the girls in the audience asks a question about H.I.V. and the gay community. We answer the question and then I say, loudly – “We go to some schools where they ask us not to talk about gay issues, I think it’s morally reprehensible for a school to ask us to do this as it’s not only discrimination but puts their students at potential risk.” A teacher at the back of the room knows exactly who I’m talking about and glares at me and I smile in a smug self satisfied manner.

We leave the school and all three of us agree that with the exception of our contact the rest of the staff we came into direct contact with were ignorant and rude. George leaves to stay with friends for the weekend and Steph and myself head up the M1 north leaving the south behind as the iPod shuffles us home. I arrive home and kill the engine at 8.35 pm as ‘Influenza (Relapse)’ by Gene Loves Jezebel finishes playing. First thing I do when I get home is open the fridge, take out a chilled bottle of prosecco and down a glass of the cold, fizzy beverage with delight.

The iPod is on shuffle as I write up this weeks blog, however it’s only shuffling songs from Aussie indie band ‘Operator Please’. I’ve downloaded the new album, ‘Gloves’ and some bonus tracks from the first album ‘Yes Yes Vindictive’. ‘Icicle’ a bonus track from the Japanese release of YYV is playing at the moment. Today has been an odd week, we’ve had rehearsals for our final tour and I’ve been clearing out the office. Monday came and we had no female actor, a few phone calls later we had the lovely Stephanie.

Tuesday I drive to work and see a man sat in a Ford Mondeo. (What’s odd about this you ask?) Well he was dressed as Superman. He was an overweight man and I’d guess in his mid forties, he certainly looked out of place on the A500. Tuesday afternoon rehearsals start and go well, albeit a tad disjointed, as today we are another actor down, as George has an audition in the city of golden pavements.

The week continues on with the office becoming gradually much larger as desks are removed, boxes of costume are packed up and soon Saturday looms and the rooms are devoid of anything from Black Cat Theatre Co, if it wasn’t for the pink walls, you’d never have guessed we’d been there. It’s going to be odd not having Rachel singing in the corner, or throwing balls of silver foil at me. But we’ll see, everything happens for a reason and there may be a new exciting something around the next corner.

I take a trip into town and see the local shopping centre has two look-a-like footballers, posing for photos with passers-by. One is supposed to be David Beckham. Okay he’s passable as Beck’s, but he looks a bit too old and has an out of date hair style, which suggests without the pointy quiff he looks less like the man he’s emulating. Next to him is a rather plump Frank Lampard, who in my opinion is less convincing than his fellow imitator. Something looks odd as I watch them preen and pose for camera phones. That’s it; I almost cry out, they’re both too short. Mr Beckham and Mr Lampard are both six feet tall, however the look-a-like David is around five foot eight, while the look-a-like Frank is around five foot five.

Ever felt like you’ve been short-changed?

Macbeth and the Personalised Number Plates

Half term is upon us and so it’s the Action Project once more. The Action Project is this time looking at ‘The Scottish Play’. The kids are all excited about spending the week with Rachel and myself, and the inevitable fun they’ll have, playing games, acting and singing. I have edited the script down to about 60 minutes and have translated it into modern English. I have however left all of Macbeth’s soliloquies in Shakespeare’s language and Lady Macbeth’s first and final scenes will use the original text. Monday morning, as I wait at a red light the iPod plays, ‘Logic’ by Operator Please from the new album, ‘Gloves’. I notice as I’m waiting for the lights to change that I’m sandwiched between two cars with personalised registration plates, the car in front is NAN 31, (I wonder if it was a gift for granny on a birthday) and the car behind is 5ETH. (I look in the rear view mirror and think to myself that the driver looks more like a John than a Seth). The lights change as the music does, this time ‘Cash in my Pocket’ by Wiley feat Daniel Merriweather begins to play and I drive to the rehearsal venue. The day goes well and the parts have all been given out, Lowri, a confident ten year old will be Lady Macbeth. The lead will go to Bradley, a handsome thirteen year old that all the girls have a crush on. We have an amazing group of children; they all get along really well and support each other throughout the rehearsals. Rhiannon is playing the Porter and is hilarious, she’s really got the part spot on, and she also plays King Duncan and Young Macduff. The first day over and I drive home with the iPod playing ‘White Boys Can’t Control It’ from the debut album by Culture Club, ‘Kissing To Be Clever’. It may have been released back in 1982 but it still sounds fresh twenty eight years later. I’m driving past the well know supermarket beginning with the letter ‘T’ when I spot another personalised plate, this time in front of me and the plate reads 1 NAG. Tuesday morning is spent running the third of the play we worked on the day before and after lunch we look at the next third. We have our first rehearsal of the song we’ll be doing at the end of the performance. This time I’ve chosen the theme tune from the film Ghostbusters. The first run through becomes a mix of the Ray parker Jnr version and the 118 118 commercial. I’m flabbergasted by some of the kids who are already word perfect; Rhiannon did two runs of the Porter, went home and came back word perfect. James has so much energy it’s exhausting watching him run about between his scenes with Daniel. I spot another plate on my way home, this one I could have myself that is if I was the sort of person who wanted one, which I’m not. BAZ 6842. Wednesday driving in I see yet another plate, this one is just four digits long, 6032. I guess it must have cost a fortune. ‘Domani’ by Artisti Uniti per l’Abruzzo plays. A song recorded by various Italian singers to raise money for the people of L’Aquila after the 6th April 2009 earthquake that took 308 lives. The quake, which was 5.8 on the Richter scale damaged the beautiful city of L’Aquila and many surrounding villages too, I felt personal loss too, as in Fosssa the house I was buying was destroyed. Today we get to the end of the play, all scenes are blocked and Bradley is eager now to get some direction for his soliloquies, he’s an excellent student, he asks relevant questions and understands why his character says what he says. I have asked him to portray Macbeth honestly, I want the audience to initially see him question his loyalty to Duncan before he makes his decision to kill the King, and Brad does this so well. Lowri had her first run through of Lady Macbeth’s sleep walking scene, which I’ve edited into a monologue so we can see her gradually go mad before our eyes. The day ends with some games; Nish Nash (not her real name) a five year old wants us to pretend to be animals, we get into pairs and have twenty minutes acting like all manner of creatures for the others to guess what we are. I’m with Georgia and together we become penguins, meerkat’s and a tarantula. I drive home with Kate Bush singing ‘The Wedding List’ and windows down I duet loudly along the A50. Thursday is a day of relentless re-runs of scenes and song practicing, the day is sunny and the room is soon oppressive, the doors have to opened and the sound of Daniel as Macduff shouting, “Sound your trumpets, the heralds of blood and death,” rushes out onto the back alleys of Fenton. In the afternoon, Lowri rehearses the sleepwalking scene and as she’s doing it the background activity in the room begins to slow down until every one is silent and watching Lowri wrestle with her thoughts and the imaginary blood on her hands. She finishes and the room erupts with spontaneous applause, and the ten year old blushes, the blood now visible in her face. The children all want to end the day playing the animal game again, and now the laughter and joyous pleasure of children exits the door out onto the warm afternoon air. Friday, and I’m driving to the trophy shop to collect the trophy for the outstanding student of the week, I spot another plate, this one is 5AM 33, I wonder if the Sam it refers to is male or female and is she/he thirty three? ‘Touched by the Hand of God’ by New Order is playing as I pull onto the cash and carry car park to purchase some items for the show and I park next to a car sporting the plate BL355, (Oh BLESS). The day passes by so quickly, Lunchtime comes and goes in a heartbeat and it’s dress rehearsal time. Changes are made as we rehearse for the first time in the performance space, and before you know it it’s that time – what time? You ask – SHOWTIME. Parents Arrive, kids ask; more times than I can comprehend, “Is my mum and dad here yet?” I spend my time walking backwards and forwards from child to parent and back again to say, “Yes, your family are here.” Brodie (Banquo) and James (Malcolm) are on meet and greet duty, telling parents to behave themselves and to enjoy the show. The play begins and Olivia, Sally and Katya take to the stage and as Katya utters those immortal lines, “When shall we three meet again?” Panic breaks out backstage as they all realise there’s no turning back now. I reassure them I’ll make sure they don’t go on late, but the atmosphere is full of hushed whispers of, “Baz, what scene’s next?” “When am I next on Barry?” and “What’s my first line, Baz?” There are a few stumbles over lines, but what can you expect they’ve put all this together in just five days. The boy’s look splendid in their kilts; the girls playing the witches look great; having decided that the witches in our version are sexy and glam. I remark that if I were their father I’d keep them locked up until they were twenty five. Lowri is a vision in her turquoise and black dress, she has really brought Lady Mac to life and at times makes a better job of it than some of the professional actors I’ve worked with. Rhiannon has the audience laughing at her irreverent Porter and Bradley motors through his scenes superbly. I stand at the back filling up with pride. Before you know it 60 minutes have passed and Siouxsie and the Banshee’s play ‘Spellbound’ and the walk down has begun to tumultuous applause. 21.15 and with a glass of red I reflect upon something a parent said to me as they left after the show. “What a great bunch of children you have Barry, they all have great respect and support for each other.” I smile and think to myself, at this moment in time - I’m the luckiest man in the world.