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Monday, 13 September 2010

Pickled Eggs, Strictly and that Bloody Next Advert

I recently walked through a local supermarket, the obscure Wings song ‘C Moon’ playing as I strolled between the aisles. I’m not really a Paul McCartney fan, and I can’t abide the Beatles, but there are a few songs of his time with Wings that I can listen to, without reaching for the skip button. Okay, so I’m in the supermarket when I become transfixed by a jar of pickled eggs. There is sitting in the clear vinegar five white and shiny boiled eggs. I think to myself I’ve never tried a pickled egg, this in turn makes me think of other things I’ve never done. 1. I’ve never seen a James Bond film. 2. I’ve never wanted to learn to play a guitar. 3. I’ve never read the instruction manual to anything I’ve ever purchased. 4. I’ve never wanted kids. 5. I’ve never lived with regret.

So Strictly Come Dancing has had a launch show. What a dismal waste of television airtime. The first dance routine, by the professionals was sloppy and the lifts were poorly executed.  We’re then subjected to a vignette of the celebrities arriving on a red carpet. Scott Maslen, has his cat suit open to the navel exposing his man rug and buffed pecs, Paul Daniels is thankfully zipped up to the chin. At least this year the ladies will have enough eye candy to make the show bearable, the fella’s wont be doing too bad either, Tina, Patsy and Felicity Kendall; Wow how can she look so good, Ms Kendall looks at least twenty years younger.

Next comes the cringing allocation of dance partner for the celebrities, You can see behind the fake smiles of the dancers, who whoop when they get given their partner. Are we supposed to believe they really don’t know who they’re going to be dancing with. As if this part of the show, which is reminiscent of a slave auction isn’t bad enough, there’s the naffness of the dialogue. How Tess lives with herself after saying things like, “Let’s see who’ll be right up your street’, to ex Coronation Street actress Tina O’Brien, I’ll never know. And the dreadful ‘Let’s see who is your destiny’ said to Destiny’s Child singer, Michelle Williams.

We are then subjected to Gavin ‘spoon face’ Henson, this is a man with the personality of sludge. They tell us he’s shy, but that’s not the issue, he is just dull. He stands defensive with his arms folded across his chest, and when his dance partner is announced he looks as happy as a cormorant in an oil slick. Bruce says something about previous rugby players doing well and Mr Henson,just simpers and nods.

There are a few new dancers, and the new males have at last brought some machismo to the show, nice to have some butch males for a change. I see there’s a couple of new girls too, but there’s still the annoying, fat assed Kristina Rihanoff, who in my opinion is a dreadful dancer.

The highlight in this piece of TV tosh was  when Michelle Williams, shouted “Bring him to mama.” as they were about to tell her who her dance partner would be.

One final TV related whinge…. The new Next advert, is set in Paris, we see lots of handsome guys and gals strutting in the shadow of the Eiffel tower. But what car do they show? A bloody classic Fiat 500, a quintessential Italian car, surely they should have featured a Citroen CV in an advert for Paris. Poor attention to detail there.

And I’ve just thought of something else I’ve never done… Change a tyre on a car.

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