Eurovision 2012

For those who have been reading my blog for the past few years will have noticed my Eurovision reviews and predictions. However this year I didn’t have time to look at all the entries and write reviews prior to the competition. So I wrote this review as I watched the competition live last night, and have attempted to keep my comments as short as possible.

Last night’s show seemed to be a Euro-tribute to David Guetta, there were a handful of songs, including the winning entry by Sweden, that wouldn’t look out of place on a Guetta album – thankfully as the bass boomed, Kelly Rowland didn’t show up.

So here’s my review of last nights show:

United Kingdom: Boring.

Hungary: Upbeat but forgetful.

Albania: The Marmite song. (I love it though, the song, not Marmite).

Lithuania: Lost in the 1980’s

Bosnia & Herzegovina: Homage to a L'Oreal advert, great hair poor song.

Russia: Fun song, but won’t win. Boom boom lyrics.

Iceland: Gaelic sounding and melodramatic.

Cyprus: Lady-Boys do Beyoncé dance moves.

France: Oh do stop wittering on.

Italy: My favourite love it. another song with boom boom lyrics.

Estonia: Passionate but with dancing eyebrows.

Norway: If a song could be a million clichés this would be it.

Azerbaijan: Nice voice but no substance.

Romania: Have never won, I can see why.

Denmark: As interesting as cottage cheese.

Greece: Sexy fun song. (I always like the Greek entries.)

Sweden: Pure theatre; Patti Smith/Guetta amalgam. Winner written all over it.

Turkey: Borat has stolen the hotel bed sheets.

Spain: Great pipes on the singer, as usual dull song.

Germany: Didn’t hear the song as was transfixed by tattoo on chest.

Malta: Wobbly vocals and pronunciation, liked the line ‘I’m into (you) Hugh’. They’ve obviously watched too many Olly Murs videos; hence the Olly dancing and vocals that go eh eh eh eh eh eh eh.

FYR Macedonia: Love child of Jodie Marsh and Carla Connor (Corrie) rocks out.

Ireland: Bored with the twins now, please get your hair cut and work in Tesco.

Serbia: First impression of singer is a bloke that arrives to plaster your extension. Song is as interesting as watching jelly set.

Ukraine: Why is X-Factor runner up Rebecca Ferguson singing with a wreath on her head?

Moldova: His fourth attempt, do they only have one singer in the country? Love this one, fun with a capital F.

So there it is, my run down of last nights contest. The finance minister in Greece has woken up without a sweat on for the first day in ages, Italy will be cursing, Albania will be happy, and the Hump will be packing his case and heading back to Leicester Angeles later.