Tuesday 22 March 2011 - As regular readers know, this blog gives an insight into how I view the world around as my iPod shuffles random songs, however today I turned off the shuffle and could not stop playing Nicole Scherzinger’s single ‘Poison’. it took 21 plays to get it out of my system.
Last week I had to collect a urine sample from my dog for the vets to test for diabetes, the test came back today negative for diabetes, but the vet wants to test for other things, so another sample is required. To do this I have to wait for him to cock his leg, and pop the scoop pictured above under him. Now this may sound easy but every time I try he stops peeing, gives me a look of disdain and walks away. I’m sure on the third attempt I heard him mutter ‘pervert’ as he walked away. However as the iPod shuffled in the dock on the kitchen windowsill, and as H.I.M start to play ‘Don’t Close Your Heart’ I see the dog sneaking out of the door. I grab the scoop and wait until he’s mid-flow, pop it under, and bingo the sample is collected, and he looks at me with disgust. It’s an odd feeling being satisfied with collecting a bottle of dog urine. Maybe that’s a new special skill to add to my CV?
Wednesday 23 March 2011 – First shuffle of the day is ‘Nobody’ by Toni Basil. It’s a shame that she’s remembered only for her no1 hit ‘Mickey’, she’s a talented choreographer and recorded many more songs that should have received the attention that the bubble gum cheerleader hit Mickey did.
Last week I was out in town when i stood watching a nun talking on her mobile phone as she walked along the street. She was very engrossed in her conversation and not paying attention, when she collided with a man walking towards her doing the same thing. The collision caused the two people to drop their phones, and the man looked mortified. I guess if you’re going to bump into someone on the street, the last person you’d want it to be is a nun. However it’s not the collision that made me smile, it was the fact that behind her was a poster advertising the touring production of The Sound of Music. (How do you solve a problem like Maria? You take her mobile phone off her).
I drive home and Pixie Lott: yes I have Pixie on my iPod, sings ‘Jack’, a white van pulls in front of me, and I smirk looking at its number plate. Okay I know it’s immature, but can you see what I saw?
Thursday 24 March 2011 – I pop into a supermarket to grab a few things. I’m meandering down the aisles when I see a group of white haired ladies gathered around the fresh fish stall. There’s six of them and with an estimated combined age of 390 I wonder what’s going on. I linger nearby and can hear them chatting and laughing. Suddenly a gem is issued from the lips of a sweet looking lady, she says, “Why is it that just because you have white hair people think you like his music?” There’s a nod of agreement from the group, then she says, “Daniel O’Donnell, that’s not music for the elderly, it’s music for dead people.” There’s a further group agreeing nod, followed by laughter as they move away towards the pickles and chutney aisle.
Saturday 26 March 2011 – It’s a dull morning today, I’m in the kitchen making my second cuppa of the day as the Boomtown rats play ‘the Elephant’s Graveyard’. I look out of the window and spot something weird on my car windscreen. I go outside: dressed only in slippers and pyjama bottoms to investigate. Oddly enough in the middle of the glass screen is a handprint. It reminds me of the Kiefer Sutherland horror flick, Mirrors. I shiver, maybe because it’s cold or because I’m just a little bit creeped out by it.
We’ve all been hearing in the new lately about the austerity measures being taken in local government, councils are making cutbacks all over the country. So why did Stoke on Trent city council waste money on pointless mass produced maps of cycle paths. I mention this because our local paper has been filled with doom and gloom about the proposed austerity measures, and today two expensively printed items dropped through my letter box. One is a completely pointless magazine that doesn’t really say anything apart from telling you which council ward you reside in. The other is fold out full colour map showing you where all the cycle routes in the city are. (Because I lie awake most nights wondering if there’s one near the cemetery in Stoke.) Surely the money could have been put to better use?
In the evening, I’m getting dressed as Toni Basil shuffles to the fore once more, this time it is the insufferable ‘Mickey’ but nothing can dampen my spirits as I’m off out with school mates from way back when.